OK, here comes a rant; I’m in an Andy Rooney mood, only more snarky. But it’s short. You’ve been warned.

Whose bright idea was this inane bit of “viral marketing?” I opened up one too many e-mails from Internet marketing gurus this week where the headline promises a gift, and the “gift” is a bleeping half-off offer.

Dude, if I have to pay for it, it isn’t a gift. It’s a sale. And if it’s a sale, don’t call it a gift–or you wont get the sale from me. Not only that, you’ve just drastically reduced the chances of my ever doing business with you again, because I value business honesty so much that I wrote an award-winning book about it.

Want to make money with a holiday gift offer? Don’t pull this crap. Instead, follow the model of Publicity Hound Joan Stewart. She compiles her annual “best of” e-book, filled with useful, actionable advice, loads every page with a good tip and a bounce-back order to a highly relevant product you can buy, and gives it away for free. And tells all her readers they can give it away, too. It’s the same formula that grew her free weekly newsletter into a six-figure business.

Okay, rant over. Putting on big smile to wish you a very happy holiday and an ethical, profitable 2009

And call a spade a spade, a ale a sale, and a gift a gift.